LONDON
Here I am back on the windowsill with my cuz Timmie. It had been almost two years since I last saw him and he was so excited to see me, although you wouldn't know from the expression on his face. He said that he went into hibernation when I left and had no idea how long it had been. Anyway, he soon perked up when I told him that we were about to embark on another adventure.
Our first outing was to attend our Unkee Adam and Auntie Angie's wedding in the New Forest, just outside London. It was the second wedding I have been to and the first for Timmie. We had the bestest time and wore our very own fascinators. We didn't look as pretty as the bride, but then we are only bears, well stuffed toys really. However, everyone was so nice to us, even though they gave MUM sideways looks, as they heard that she was the weird Auntie from Down Under.
Everyone was having a smashing time and dancing and chatting after the dinner and speeches. We got stuck into the wedding cake and washed it down with a few glasses of port. Then we snuck out the window and went off into the forest to look for bears. All we found were a few squirrels and some horses, who were nibbling away at the grass. We tried to get them to come back and join the party, but they weren't buying into that. Both me and Timmie felt a bit wretched the next day. I was reminded of the morning after my time in Cienfuegos, when I had drunk too many Cuba Libres. We both settled down at the bottom of MUM's bag and spent the next few hours trying to remember where we had hidden her shoes, as she had fallen over and left them in the middle of the dance floor. She can be such an embarrassment sometimes.
We all teared up big time when we visited Althorp, the Spencer family home. It was so beautiful there. We sat at Princess Diana's memorial by the lake and even though I never met her, I wanted to send her a message to say how much fun I had hanging out with Harry, when he was in Sydney ages ago. I also wanted to let her know that Will's kids were really nice and I was hoping to become great pals with them when they grew up. MUM said I had a vivid imagination. She gave me a clip over my bald ears when I reminded her that she taught me that when life was dull, you must always make things seem better. I wish she would take responsibility for her advice sometimes.
We all teared up big time when we visited Althorp, the Spencer family home. It was so beautiful there. We sat at Princess Diana's memorial by the lake and even though I never met her, I wanted to send her a message to say how much fun I had hanging out with Harry, when he was in Sydney ages ago. I also wanted to let her know that Will's kids were really nice and I was hoping to become great pals with them when they grew up. MUM said I had a vivid imagination. She gave me a clip over my bald ears when I reminded her that she taught me that when life was dull, you must always make things seem better. I wish she would take responsibility for her advice sometimes.
When we went to visit Chatsworth, all the pubs were full, so we ended up staying at the Cavendish Hotel, which is on the Devonshire's estate - I kept a look out for the current Duke, who is now the 12th to hold the title, but I think he was busy on a pheasant shoot, or maybe he was helping the Duchess make scones for the tea rooms - the hotel was rather smashing and we squealed with delight when we found this bear sitting on the pillow in our room. I stuffed him in MUM's bag, but she was caught by the receptionist and had a very embarrassing time trying to explain that it was not her doing and, in fact, it was me and Timmie who had done the deed. Needless to say, no-one believed her and we had to make a quick getaway. We were real upset and wanted to swap places with the bear. If you look closely, you can read his sign, which says - 'Love me, hug me, if you want to keep me, please enquire at reception'.
Our last stop was to re-visit Buckingham Palace. I wanted to touch base with some of my pals in the gift shop. As you can see from the pictures, the corgis and bears were really happy to see me. They told me that my seeds had done well in the gardens and Her Majesty was always ordering brownies to be placed on the menu at her garden parties. I was given this special card with a secret code so I could contact them directly in the future and not have to go through the private secretary. MUM always told me that in life it's not what you know, but who you know, that counts. Timmie had never visited the Palace before. He listened to all the welcome messages from Prince Charles and I think he was a bit overwhelmed by all the friends I introduced him to, especially when he realised that they were all stuffed like we are.
SPETSES
We were invited to go to Spetses again with the family. I told Timmie to get dressed up in black, so we passed for a couple of Greek widows and wouldn't have a problem getting through customs. I needn't have worried 'cause the Greeks couldn't care less about bears, they have bigger problems to deal with. In this picture we were both feeling sad as we saw all the refugees in Piraeus camped out in the park near the ferry terminal. We wanted to stuff some of the kids in MUM's bag, but it was full of chocolates, so we didn't dare.
When we reached the island, we raced upstairs to our favourite spot and sat on the windowsill looking out over the town. Then we went to the beach and sat on a sunbed looking out over the water. Everything was blue and we were really happy as it is our favourite colour.
We hopped on top of a brolly and kept pouring drops of water over MUM as she tried to sleep underneath. She had just eaten a huge souvlaki and drank a carafe of wine, so she didn't stir for hours. We decided to 'borrow' her quad bike and go for a spin around the island, but our paws couldn't reach the keys, so we just sat and sunned ourselves. I turned 9 on Spetses and we had a smashing party. Even MUM was nice to me that day, but she rolled her eyes when I told her that I am now going backwards and next year I will turn 8. I decided that it was better to strike while the iron is hot and make the decision now, because my ears are getting so bald and I can become a baby bear with no hair in the future.
CANADA - TORONTO - ONTARIO
We finally headed off on our Big Adventure to Canada. First stop - Toronto. We were so excited as we knew it was the land of the bears! When we arrived it was the first weekend of the Toronto International Film Festival. It was so buzzy and MUM and DAD hit the ground running. Me and Timmie kept looking out for celebrities.
I hung about for hours with the paparazzi waiting to see Leonardo di Caprio. However, he was too busy giving interviews and ordering food that kept being sent up to his room. Eventually his publicist came out and said, "Leonardo di Caprio does not do selfies". That did it for me. I thought he would at least make an exception seeing that I was a bear and he had a close encounter with one in his last film. But, noooooo. Anyway, I had to leave as DAD had bought vastly expensive tickets to a Russian movie starring a woman who grew a tail. I know, I know... As you can see in this picture I am a wee bit sad, but not too bothered 'cause I remember MUM telling me to, "never expect, then you won't be disappointed".
Next stop was Niagara Falls. We had lunch on top of the Sheraton which looks like a giant Dalek, don't you think? Me and Timmie ate up big like all the other BIG PEOPLE and then MUM hung us over the balcony to take this photo with the Falls in the background. Timmie got such a fright he nearly wet his pants. Well, he would have, but he wasn't wearing any.
Then we went on a boat that travelled right up to the Falls, which were spectacular. All the BIG PEOPLE were decked out in red raincoats and looked like condom-wearing extras in a Woody Allen movie. In this last picture, I am remembering the time we visited Iguazu Falls and the butterflies kept landing on my nose. They must have all been on holiday 'cause I didn't see any here. Timmie was too scared to have his photo taken and stayed in the bottom of MUM's bag.
jamaica
MUM had a look at the long range weather map and decided it was time to head down to Jamaica before the hurricane season started. It seems that Canadians go to the Caribbean as often as Aussies go to Asia. We were a wee bit confused 'cause we hadn't seen any bears, but MUM said we were coming back to Canada and to be patient. She can talk. Ouch! Anyway, we hopped on a plane and headed south to Montego Bay. I think we all fell in love at first sight and that was just at the airport!
You can see in the next two pictures why... the fur started to rise on the back of my neck as I knew we were in for some serious partying.
We checked into the Holiday Inn at Montego Bay. It was full of BIG PEOPLE (see the ones below) and MUM kept asking DAD if her bum looked BIG and he replied, "Not here in Montego Bay darling..." She was soooooo happy and just propped herself up at the beach bar and made good use of her unlimited tab. Meanwhile me and Timmie hung out under the palm trees and occasionally stuck our paws in the blue water.
Every night there was a beautiful sunset...
The BIG PEOPLE kept going out onto the road and flagging down local taxis to take them to places they had heard about. Our first stop was Martha Brae. We hired this bamboo raft and floated downriver. I was a wee bit scared that I was going to fall in. The water was a murky brown because of all the soil that had washed in from the recent rain and I was anxious as I cannot swim. Timmie stayed deep in the bottom of MUM's bag again! Our punter was a real cool guy. He kept saying, "don't worry 'bout a 'ting, mon". I think he stole the line from a Bob Marley song.
Our next stop was Kingston. We went to visit 56 Hope Road where Bob Marley lived and recorded some of his albums. Even my glass eyes were moist afterwards as it was really special. Wherever you go in Jamaica, his music plays. The funny thing is that you can also buy those weird cigarettes wherever you go. They even sold them from a shed in Marley's garden. How cool is that?
Then we headed to Trenchtown. It was really colourful and everywhere you looked there were signs. If you look very closely at this end picture, you can see the slogan - Weed is Life. I was beginning to understand why.
And here is the second most famous man in Jamaica. His picture was everywhere as well...
When we went back to Montego Bay the BIG PEOPLE decided they wanted to go and visit Marley's mausoleum at Nine Mile. That's when the party really started! We caught a mini bus chokka-block with Aretha Franklin look-a-likes for the ride up the mountain. It was wild! Every time the guide pointed out the marijuana plants growing in people's front yards on the way, everyone on the bus slapped their thighs and came out with a chorus of, "ahummmmmm, ahummmmmmmm, we be havin' sum a dat!"
Well, as you can see, there was plenty on offer!
Me and Timmie's glass eyes were popping out of our heads... We snuck into this little house with one of the joints a Rasta man gave us and boy did we feel woozy afterwards. Timmie wanted to eat my ears as he got a really bad case of the munchies!
The ride back down the mountain was something else. All the Arethas were singing and laughing and slapping their thighs to the Reggae beats. We kept pinching ourselves to see if it was all a dream. Everything got really fuzzy and I kept yelling out, "One Love" to everyone we passed on the way.
Things got a bit messy from then on. When we got back to the Holiday Inn, the pool was flaring and we hit the buffet like a couple of savages. Timmie kept stuffing things in his mouth and then burping loudly. Meanwhile, I was trying to stash stuff in MUM's bag for later, as I knew the party had just begun.
As if...
It was a bit like shutting the gate after the horse had bolted...
Everything started to look weird... words got a wee bit jumbled up and seemed to be really funny... now I understand why Jamaicans are always smiling.
We had the bestest time and I will never forget how beautiful Jamaica is. On our last day we went to Negril and watched the guys diving off the giant platforms. I ordered an Aperol Spritz at the bar and gazed at the sunset with tears in my glassy eyes. Timmie had gone into therapy as he had Nuff Love to last him a lifetime. I can't stop humming 'Duppy Conqueror', not that I know what it means, but it is a catchy tune and, let's face it, I am one happy bear!
Easy skanking...
CANADA - MONTREAL - QUEBEC
The very first bear we saw was in a shop selling furs! He had been stuffed and looked mighty surprised as you can see from this picture. Me and Timmie tried to wheel him out of the shop and set him free, but he was so stiff and going nowhere. We decided to go and try the Quebecois dish called Poutine, to build up our strength. It was a plate of chips covered in cheese curds and gravy. It was pretty awful and even MUM didn't eat it and that's saying something!
VANCOUVER - BRITISH COLUMBIA
Wherever we went there were stuffed bears, moose and even cardboard cut-outs of mounties. I was beginning to think that all the real ones had disappeared.
I thought I was seeing double when I saw this bear outside a cake shop. I thought it was you know who. I told Timmie to just do as this sign told us in case we were carted off and turned into stuffed bears. Wait a minute...!
VANCOUVER ISLAND - VICTORIA - BRITISH COLUMBIA
Our trip to Victoria, on Vancouver Island, coincided with Kate and Will's visit. We were on a hop-on hop-off bus when they whizzed past. Later on I met Kate when she was doing a meet and greet down by the Empress Hotel where they were going for cocktails. As you can see in this picture, she was soooooo happy to meet me when she found out I was the one who partied with her brother-in-law Harry, when he was in Sydney.
We had a lovely time on the island. MUM was in 7th heaven as she found her favourite restaurant in Canada and ditched her espresso coffees for macchiatos. Me and Timmie held on tight to one another on the ferry ride back to the mainland, as we thought we may sink. There were so many BIG PEOPLE on board who looked as if they had been hanging out in the same places as MUM.
Rocky Mountains enroute to Jasper - Alberta
Here we are on the Via Rail going through the Rockies. I sat glued to the window for hours keeping a look-out for bears. I stayed near the emergency hammer, in case I needed to break free, but all I saw was beautiful scenery that stretched for miles and miles and miles. Timmie was sound asleep on the top bunk. MUM and DAD were in the dome car looking at the mountain views through the roof with their cups of 'tea,' which were actually filled with DAD's whisky! As you can see in the next two pictures, the views were spectacular.
When we reached Jasper many hours later, we checked into the Athabasca Hotel. The lobby had moose, elk and buffalo heads hanging on all the walls. We started to feel a wee bit nervous 'cause the bears were missing and the receptionist looked mighty pleased to see us.
Me and Timmie went down to the local First Nation camp and tried to sneak into one of their teepees for the night. However, we were not alone as a scurry of squirrels had beaten us to it. We snuck back into the hotel and cuddled up at the bottom of the BIG PEOPLE's feet as it was mighty cold and we were feeling very tired. Timmie said he thought we should start hibernating in case there wasn't much food on the trip through the Icefields Parkway to Banff. I told him not to worry as I heard DAD say that we were going on a trip to find polar bears. He was going to surprise us, but he forgot that even though my ears are nearly bald, they are like mini antennas and I don't miss a trick. So we stayed up all the way and our glass eyes worked overtime as the scenery became even more spectacular.
We decided to dress up as elks to give MUM a scare, but she was more concerned about her missing gloves and searched for them for ages. We just sat still and pretended we hadn't seen them...
CHURCHILL - MANITOBA
After a long journey on a Greyhound bus, a train and a flight with Calm Air, we made it to Churchill, the heart of polar bear country. Me and Timmie were beside ourselves and I started planning my escape back into the wild with my 'real' family.
We checked into the Lazy Bear Lodge. It was amazing as there were bears everywhere you looked.
Stuffed in every nook and cranny...even the t'shirts for sale at the shop had bears on them!
Me and Timmie pressed our noses up at the window. We knew the polars were out there somewhere. We also knew that they would be looking for us too.
Then it happened... a polar bear stuck his nose up at the window. I nearly fainted as it was the most wonderful moment of my life. He kept sniffing at us and told us to open the window and escape. At that moment MUM came into the room and the bear took off. Maybe he thought that she had read the sign in the foyer.
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The next thing we knew we were taken to the polar bear prison. We watched one being transported back to life on the tundra. He was all wrapped up in a net sack and had been given a tranquilizer. He would have felt a bit woozy like me and Timmie did in Jamaica. Then MUM plonked us in a helicopter and we flew over the tundra and saw how big and empty it was and how the bears had to sleep outside in the cold. There was no sign of pots of honey, or comfy beds. As you can see in this picture, we were getting really anxious.
We then went out on a snow buggy and found these two bears looking very lonely and sad. I wanted to take them home and stuff them in the cupboard with the rest of my family. At that moment I knew that my life was really good and I was one lucky bear. Even though MUM can be mighty cruel sometimes...ouch!
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Our last adventure was on a sled drawn by huskies in the moonlight. Our guide carried a gun on his back in case we came across a wild polar bear. Thankfully we didn't. The dogs were really sweet, but they kept licking us with their big sloppy tongues. Me and Timmie stayed snuggled up in our fur blanket and tried not to think about where it came from.
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We had the bestest time sitting on the train back to Toronto after our BIG Adventure. It whizzed along (five hours late) past scenery full of amazing colours. We just sat there thinking about all the good times. We eventually dropped Timmie off on the windowsill at Loxley Road, in London. Then we flew back to Sydney where I joined my family in the cupboard. Timmie is coming to visit us at Christmas. I am thinking of going into hibernation so that I store up lots of energy to take him sight-seeing. He is the bestest cuz ever and I am counting the days when we will be together again.