The following Stories are things I thought you may, or may not, find interesting...
INUKA
Today we bears are beside ourselves in the cupboard as we just heard the devastating news about Inuka - the world's only tropical polar bear who was euthanized at the Singapore Zoo today. I can't believe it as I just visited him a couple of weeks ago and even though he didn't look very happy - maybe 'cause he had a mouldy green stripe down his back - I just thought he was having a bad day. I guess he was just counting the days as he kept tapping the ground with his paw under his chin. Oh, this is the fourth saddest day of my life... RIP buddy...
Russian Toys Protest
I found this photo in the paper today showing a group of Russian toys rallying against corruption and electoral malpractice. The Russian Government won't listen to them 'cause they are deemed 'not to be citizens of Russia'. Hello! Calling all bears out there to arm themselves with pots of honey and head forth to Canberra. We can think of something to protest about on the way. Watch out pollies, you are about to get real sticky if you don't listen to us!
Our Ex-Prime Minister Ms Julia Gillard
I know I am only a stuffed toy, but even I can see how horrible everyone is to our leader. She can't help being a woman... my MUM is one and they are not that bad. Sometimes they don't look very pretty (as you can see in this picture) but I don't think she should be treated so badly. After all, she never tells fibs, she never goes back on her word and she wants to attend Bur's DADs' wedding in May. Maybe I am a bit confused, but all the same, what a lady! Watch this space...
Well, here you have it, hot off the press. Prime Minister Gillard has won this round and now we just hope that in the next eighteen months she manages to fight off the wolves and people start referring to her as either Ms Gillard, or better still, Prime Minister Ms Julia Gillard and not just plain ol' Julia. Respect! Now it is getting near to the election and things are not looking good. The thing I don't understand is that the
opposition candidate looks like a chimp. I thought BIG PEOPLE ran the world. Oh dear, last night our Prime Minister was gazumped by Kevin Rudd. Watch this space 'cause now the chimp may get in!
Well, here you have it, hot off the press. Prime Minister Gillard has won this round and now we just hope that in the next eighteen months she manages to fight off the wolves and people start referring to her as either Ms Gillard, or better still, Prime Minister Ms Julia Gillard and not just plain ol' Julia. Respect! Now it is getting near to the election and things are not looking good. The thing I don't understand is that the
opposition candidate looks like a chimp. I thought BIG PEOPLE ran the world. Oh dear, last night our Prime Minister was gazumped by Kevin Rudd. Watch this space 'cause now the chimp may get in!
Our Next old Prime Minister
Well, it happened last night. We now have a new Prime Minister called Mr Tony Abbott and here is a picture of him in his budgie smugglers. I don't understand why he smuggles budgies in his underpants, but I am only 6, so some things are still a mystery to me. I am a bit worried as this means that if I am gay, I can't get married. MUM said I should be thankful that I came to Australia a long time ago 'cause if I tried to come from Cambodia on a leaky boat now, I would end up in PNG. Not sure where that is, but is sounds a bit far away from the cupboard. DAD keeps saying, "we now have the worst Government ever!" I bet Ms Julia Gillard is cracking open a bottle of champagne for her Sunday brunch as I type this. She is a real lady and has been very quiet lately. However, she did send a message a few weeks ago to ask me if she could borrow DAD's voodoo stick and a few spell recipes. PLEASE don't tell MUM!
Breaking news - on Saturday 18 May 2019, ol' Big Ears was defrocked!
Breaking news - on Saturday 18 May 2019, ol' Big Ears was defrocked!
our new prime minister (BUT NOT FOR LONG)
On Monday September 15, 2015 there was another coup. The Mad Monk, Mr Big Ears, Tony Abbott, got dumped by Mr Turncoat, oooops I mean Mr Turnbull. I reckon Mr Kevin Rudd had champagne for breakfast this morning. Probably Ms Julia Gillard did too!
A couple of weeks ago the Prime Minister changed again! We bears are all
mightily confused as they don't seem to last and I really don't know much about our new one who everyone calls 'Scomo'. I only know that he wears peaked caps. When he is on the TV MUM turns him off, so I don't get to learn any more about him but I guess it is not really important as I don't think he will be around for long. Oooops - I was wrong, the happy clapper is back! All I can say is I am not going to worry about owning my own house when I grow up. We bears are more worried that bees will become extinct and we won't have any more honey, then we will be stuffed, more ways than one...
mightily confused as they don't seem to last and I really don't know much about our new one who everyone calls 'Scomo'. I only know that he wears peaked caps. When he is on the TV MUM turns him off, so I don't get to learn any more about him but I guess it is not really important as I don't think he will be around for long. Oooops - I was wrong, the happy clapper is back! All I can say is I am not going to worry about owning my own house when I grow up. We bears are more worried that bees will become extinct and we won't have any more honey, then we will be stuffed, more ways than one...
Bur's DADS Get Married
Bur's DADS were married at the British Consulate last week. They had a great party afterwards at a lovely house with disco lights and lots of champagne. Here's a picture of Bur and me listening to the speeches. Bur was so happy, he had the biggest smile on his little face. If you turn your computer screen backwards you can see it...
We had the bestest time and Auntie Lisa remembered to bring Kenny along as well! I was so happy to see my friends again. Here is a picture of us in MUM's bag all dancing together. Prime Minister Ms Julia Gillard didn't turn up. Not that she was invited as she doesn't agree with gay marriage. I think it is 'cause no-one has asked her to tie the knot and she is dead jealous.
Here's a picture of me looking after the wedding cake. It was so yummy I tried to stop the BIG PEOPLE from gobbling it all up so that we could take some on a teddy bears' picnic. But, as you can see, there was none left...
Here's a picture of me looking after the wedding cake. It was so yummy I tried to stop the BIG PEOPLE from gobbling it all up so that we could take some on a teddy bears' picnic. But, as you can see, there was none left...
President Barack Obama
Here is a picture of the President of the United States of America. I am not sure where that is, but it must be a big place because the President is always in the news. A few days ago, he said he is pro gay marriage and he wouldn't have minded if Bur's DADs got married in America. I am very confused by all this, as being only four (and a half...) years old, I don't understand why sometimes the BIG PEOPLE can't do certain things without getting into trouble. I know I get into trouble sometimes, but not very often. All I can say to the President is, "RESPECT". I think he may be related to my brother Beans as they are the same colour. So he must be a very special BIG PERSON. He has been elected for another term and even though he is not perfect, I think he is 'the man'.
The Donald
My paws are trembling on the keyboard as I type this message. On the 8th November 2016, Donald Trump beat Hillary Clinton to become the next President of the USA. In the words of the great Hunter S Thompson, 'the hog is out of the tunnel...' - so be afraid. Watch this space...
It really did happen... The Chump made it all the way to the White House. He was inaugurated on 20th January 2017. We bears stayed hunkered down in the cupboard and even a few days later we are a bit scared to go out. Trump says rotten things about everyone and it won't be long before he picks on all of us. We were so sad to see President Obama leave the White House and I hope I run into him one day in my travels and we can share a few brewskies. I am dying to ask him if he really does have a relative called Beans.
TED
I am just soooooo excited 'cause Unkee Kneel sent a message from NYC to say he had seen a poster in the subway saying ted is coming. He was not sure what it meant, but then I saw this poster and realised it is a new film about to come out. All the family in the cupboard are frantically trying to work out who is ted's cuz 'cause someone must be, as we are all related.
Oh happy days, I just love being a bear. Watch this space...
When we were in Melbourne we went to the movies and MUM saw this poster for ted. I jumped up on Mark Wahlberg's shoulder to have my photo taken. How cool is that? I don't know where ted was. Maybe he had gone to a cubicle? I didn't care 'cause it was my 50 seconds of fame!
I finally got to see the movie in Grenada, in the West Indies. MUM bought a copy off a Rasta man at the bus station in St Georges. We raced home to watch it and boy it was good. ted is very funny, but he says things and does things that I don't quite understand yet 'cause I am only five. Then ted turned up at the Academy Awards with Mark Wahlberg this year to announce some winners. He was soooooo funny and looked very dashing in his dinner suit. I bet his paws got grubby at the parties afterwards.
I finally got to see the movie in Grenada, in the West Indies. MUM bought a copy off a Rasta man at the bus station in St Georges. We raced home to watch it and boy it was good. ted is very funny, but he says things and does things that I don't quite understand yet 'cause I am only five. Then ted turned up at the Academy Awards with Mark Wahlberg this year to announce some winners. He was soooooo funny and looked very dashing in his dinner suit. I bet his paws got grubby at the parties afterwards.
When I was in Perth, I bought Popsicle a copy of ted from the Coles store at Mosman Park. We sat watching it when the BIG PEOPLE were out one night. Boy it was good to see it again, but Popsicle kept asking me what ted was doing and saying 'cause she had never been in the company of anyone so bold before - except for me, her pal from the east! Honestly girls can be a pain at times, especially ones who have lived in a cupboard all their lives, even if it is a big one. She has a lot of growing up to do. Maybe I will send her some slimming pills and then she can come over and hang out with the rest of us in Sydney for a while once she can fit into our wee cupboard.
When I got home from skool today, DAD was on the computer and he said, "TED, this will make your day". And, it sure did! ted 2 is being released later this year and I CAN'T WAIT... And, guess what? ted is now married and wants to have a baby. Boy! He is a real mover and shaker and makes my life in the cupboard seem so dull.
This week the postie dropped off my invite to the premiere of ted 2. I am just soooooo excited as you can imagine and, the best news is there is only one more sleep to go. I am going to have an early night so I look my best just in case Mark Wahlberg and ted turn up to the preview as well. Oh happy, happy, happy days indeed!
Well, there is only one word I can use to describe my night at the premiere - SMASHING!
When we arrived, I met ted who was so cool sitting drinking his brewski and smoking a ciggie - which was really one of those funny ones that DAD smokes sometimes. He was being photographed by paparazzi and lots of beautiful girls (and boys) were kissing him. I hung about for a while, but he was getting ALL the attention so I scarpered and grabbed a brewski (when MUM wasn't looking) and settled in to my seat. ted 2 was so much fun and even though I didn't quite understand it all 'cause MUM kept putting her hands over my ears 'cause ted swears a lot, I still thoroughly enjoyed it.
Well, there is only one word I can use to describe my night at the premiere - SMASHING!
When we arrived, I met ted who was so cool sitting drinking his brewski and smoking a ciggie - which was really one of those funny ones that DAD smokes sometimes. He was being photographed by paparazzi and lots of beautiful girls (and boys) were kissing him. I hung about for a while, but he was getting ALL the attention so I scarpered and grabbed a brewski (when MUM wasn't looking) and settled in to my seat. ted 2 was so much fun and even though I didn't quite understand it all 'cause MUM kept putting her hands over my ears 'cause ted swears a lot, I still thoroughly enjoyed it.
My Birthday Picnic
Yesterday, MUM organised a teddy bears' picnic in Beare Park, for my 6th birthday - which was actually two weeks ago - but the BIG PEOPLE were too busy to make sure it was on the right day! Anyway, MUM said that it was better late than never, so I am just as happy. My favourite pal Bur came along and here is a picture of us watching the sparkler on top of my birthday cake. Our ears nearly caught alight, but it didn't matter, as we are both going bald.
Fleet Spectacular in Sydney
Oh happy day! I spent it with the most eligible bachelor in the world, Prince Harry! He flew in to Sydney to attend the Fleet Spectacular on October 5, 2013. We hung out together and I spent most of the time in his pocket. All the girls thought he was pleased to see them, but it was only me bulging in his pocket.
Prince Harry in Sydney
Oh happy day again! Prince Harry arrived in Australia on Monday April 6, 2015 to spend a whole month with the Australian SAS forces. I managed to have a very brief catch-up with him just after the little kid next to me pushed in and gave him a handshake. We shared a high-five and he gave me a secret nod. Pity he doesn't have time to party, but I still have fond memories of spending the day in his pocket the last time he was here.
ROYAL WEDDING
Last Saturday, my mate Prince Harry, married my new bestie, Meghan. She is beautiful and when we met she kept stroking my baldies and told me that I shouldn't worry as Harry has one on the top of his head too! I couldn't make it to the wedding as I was busy with stuff at home but we had a video link-up and it was, as you can see - simply smashing! They told me that when they come to Sydney later in the year they are going to come and visit us all in the cupboard. My little brother Beans is ecstatic as he is mixed race too and is convinced that he is related to Meghan. He thinks she is going to whisk him away back to London. What he doesn't realise is that I will be coming too! Oh happy day!
George and Charlotte
Here's a picture of me giving the latest addition to the Royal family a little 'biffo' on the top of her head. If you don't know who this is, then I'll tell you. It's the cute as a button Charlotte and her brother George, who are Prince William and Kate Middleton's kids. Even though they are spoilt rotten, they are really nice and friendly, except Charlotte did throw up on my paw and George wouldn't let me go for a ride in his coach. I am determined to keep them as my number two buddies as they live in a stately home in London and, when I grow up and start travelling on my own, I am hoping they will invite me to stay with them and I can go to the pub with their uncle Harry. Oh there is so much to look forward to! And, this week they have a new brother called Louis Arthur Charles - oh boy I can't wait to meet him. Watch this space...
PRINCE LOUIS
As you can see, everything comes to he who waits. I was contacted by the Palace and invited to meet Prince Louis. He looks very much like Charlotte, don't you think? I think the Royal Family must be short of a few bob as it looks like Louis is wearing the same outfit as his sister. I think Kate may send this outfit off to St Vinnie's now as I doubt she will have any more kids as things usually come in threes. They wanted to make me his godfather but I told them I am saving myself up for Harry's kids. I hope I did not offend them.
J'Arrod
One of my Aunties from Adelaide dropped off my cousin J'Arrod to stay with us in the cupboard here in Sydney. J'Arrod had done something that the family won't talk about back in his home town, so it looks like he may be here for a while. MUM had to give him surgery 'cause he was disguised as a possum (to help him cross the border without being recognised) and here's a photo of him lying waiting for MUM (Nurse Ratched...) to wash up. Actually it was for MUM to get a bit tipsy, 'cause she hates the sight of blood and we were too mean to tell her that J'Arrod is stuffed full of dried beans!
Here's a photo of us all together (J'Arrod is the colourful one in the middle) post surgery. He only spent a few hours in rehab as he only had his whiskers and tail removed. I am sick of him saying "ouch" every time he sits on his butt, but we will have to get used to it.
On Boxing Day, my Auntie Jenny from Northern New South Wales, came over for lunch. She brought Moe with her. He is the big brown bear on the left. We decided to play dress-ups and make our own nativity scene. If you look closely, the rabbit is in the manger and Jocky, J'Arrod and Beans are the three wise men. I am the Virgin Mary. We had a great afternoon burning incense and a wooden donkey and pig came to join in as well. MUM said we weren't doing anything wrong and were allowed freedom of expression. We embrace that 'cause 'nous sommes Charlie'.
GAULTIER AT THE NATIONAL GALLERY OF VICTORIA
On our recent trip to Melbourne, we visited the National Gallery of Victoria to see the Gaultier exhibition. It was pretty amazing and full of crazy designs. Gaultier looks like a fun kind of guy and he designed his first cone-shaped bra for his ted who he calls Nana. That's just so cool. Madonna thinks she was the first one to wear it, but not any more...
Check out this next photo and you will see what I mean. I wish I was Gaultier's bear. Maybe he will pop by for a few vinos and make us all cone-shaped brassieres and we can sit in the cupboard and poke each others' eyes out! Just a wicked thought. Ouch!
Anzac Day
Recently we drove to Penrith to visit the poppy park which has been set up to commemorate the many soldiers who lost their lives when they went to war. I felt really sad as you can see in this picture because I was a wee bit worried that my nose would be mistaken for a poppy and someone would stick a big pin in it. This is the second poppy field I have visited. I remember the huge one at the Tower of London last year. I kept a glass eye open just in case Her Majesty decided to visit this one as well, but I don't think she knows where Penrith is.
MISERY BEAR
I know that bears have no concept of time 'cause most of it is spent sleeping, so I make no apology for not discovering this amazing bear sooner. His name is Misery (how cool is that?) and he has his own site and features on the BBC. I would so love to meet him as he likes a drink and more than that, he knows Kate Moss. How super cool is that? If anyone out there knows him and can set up a meeting - PLEASE contact me.
Luds and Ben
Here's a picture of my two mates who live in a high-rise at the top of Kings Cross in Sydney. They have a beautiful view of a cathedral from their front window. Even though they are not Catholics, they love fancy architecture and pomp and ceremony, just like their DAD, who takes hundreds of photos of churches when he goes on holiday. Luds (the bear on the left - who has a wonky face, but is very nice) and Ben (the bear on the right - who dresses like a monk) are pictured somewhere in the northern hemisphere trying to look as if they are enjoying themselves, but I think they would rather be back in Sydney in the cupboard with me and the rest of the bears.
DAVID BOWIE AT ACMI
Last week we caught the train (again) to Melbourne. I was dragged around heaps of exhibitions (again), but I have to admit I just loved the David Bowie one. I can't stop singing "I've got my mother in a whirl, she's not sure if I'm a boy or a girl..." Ouch! I just got a you know what.
I just heard the saddest news. David Bowie died on January 10, 2016. He was such a cool guy and I just hope he is resting peacefully with Fletcher in heaven.
I just heard the saddest news. David Bowie died on January 10, 2016. He was such a cool guy and I just hope he is resting peacefully with Fletcher in heaven.
PYTHON AT THE POLESHACK
I have just returned from a weekend up at the Poleshack. Imagine my surprise when this python came and visited us. I tried to stuff him in MUM's bag and bring him home to the cupboard and, guess what? I got yet another mighty clip around the ears from you know who. I thought of unravelling him and putting him in MUM's bed but she just stared at me and said, "take those rotten thoughts out of your cotton-wool head TED". I for once, did as I was told.
GRAYSON PERRY AT THE MCA
MUM and DAD said that 'cause I am now home skooled I have to go and see all the exhibitions on in Sydney which I actually don't mind, as many feature bears. The latest one being Alan Measles, who is Grayson Perry's beloved childhood bear. He creates all kinds of images of Alan and this one was one of the best. He looks like a chocolate bar covered in gold paper. Good enough to eat, I reckon.
WENDY SADDINGTON AT THE CANBERRA MUSEUM + GALLERY
Recently we drove down to Canberra (again!) this time to see lots of exhibitions. This was my favourite and was curated by my Unkees - Peter and Mark. Peter was a great fan of the singer Wendy Saddington. She was very famous, way before I was born. I would have loved hanging out with her. I could have hid in her afro while she sang. If you look closely, you can see me hanging off the side of the screen, watching her perform. Here are more smashing pictures of Wendy. She decided to cut off all her hair and wear Pierrot make-up. She was such a cool lady and I wish I had met her for real.
We went to visit the National Gallery (again!) and fortunately the guard who ticked MUM off the last time wasn't on duty. MUM dragged me off to see the Tom Roberts exhibition which I also really enjoyed. Instead of bears, he painted this lovely cow walking along the road. I yelled out, "Look MUM, you are hanging on the wall!" Needless to say, I got another mighty clip around the baldies. I guess I was being a bit silly 'cause my MUM is always covered in black, not dusty pink, like this specimen. Ouch!
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IN MEMORIAM
Today is March 26, 2016 and it is the saddest day of my life. My dearest Unkee Kneel passed away after a long illness. He was such a special person and was a lot of fun. He loved reading my emails when we were on holiday and always sent me smashing ones back. I will miss him dearly. Whenever I visit a stately home I will be reminded of him as he was just like one - grand, interesting and dignified. RIP Unkee.
I think we may be adopting Luds and Ben as Unkee Kneel and MUM had discussed their future. MUM said that we will all have to squash up in the basket in the cupboard as she is not throwing out any more trousers and there is no room for an extension. I guess we will be okay, but Luds has to leave his lederhosen behind and Ben has to wriggle out of his cassock, as we are all naturists. I am not sure what that means, but I think it means that real bears don't wear clothes.
I think we may be adopting Luds and Ben as Unkee Kneel and MUM had discussed their future. MUM said that we will all have to squash up in the basket in the cupboard as she is not throwing out any more trousers and there is no room for an extension. I guess we will be okay, but Luds has to leave his lederhosen behind and Ben has to wriggle out of his cassock, as we are all naturists. I am not sure what that means, but I think it means that real bears don't wear clothes.
Timmie in Sydney
Timmie arrived in Sydney just before Christmas and he hopped in the cupboard and stayed there until New Year's Eve. He just chatted away and didn't want to go sight-seeing as he wanted to get to know all the family. Even J'Arrod told him his secret which we haven't been able to get out of him, yet... On New Year's Eve we sat together and watched the fireworks on the Harbour. Timmie got so scared from all the loud bangs and left a wet patch on the sofa, but MUM said it's okay 'cause every time we notice it, it reminds us of him. He has flown back to London now and he sent me a Whats App to say he is back to hibernating as it is very cold. He took lots of photos of the fireworks, but they are all blurry. He used my camera and I think he was a bit tipsy as we snuck a few sips of Auntie Penel's bubbles when she fell asleep. He also took them sideways and we haven't the heart to tell him they are completely wonky! I think they look pretty cool, don't you? I miss him big time and can't wait for our next re-union. As you can see in this picture, we both look mighty sad.
POOH BEAR
It's always a sunny day when Christopher Robin comes to play, but where is he? Poor Pooh is looking really sad in this picture 'cause he was on a world tour publicising his new film called Christopher Robin. He cheered up bigtime when we invited him over to spend time in the cupboard and he promised to come and visit us again when he is on his next tour to promote the sequel.
TIMMIE BACK AGAIN FOR THE FESTIVE SEASON
As you can see we were both so excited to see each other after a whole year. We spent a smashing week up at Horsfield Bay. I even had a bath to celebrate and here's a picture of Timmie making sure I didn't get attacked by any sulphur-crested cockatoos that were waiting to peck me to bits. We watched the New Year's Eve fireworks on TV and this time Timmie took a pretty good picture, don't you think?
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We spent the rest of the time yakking in the cupboard and Timmie said he can't wait for our next get-together. He said he doesn't mind flying any more as he takes a Valium and sleeps all the way. He was a bit dopey for the first few days. I suggested that next time he is in town we will go to a music festival and maybe he can have his meds checked. I also told him not to have high hopes as our current Premier of NSW thinks that you deserve to die if you take any kind of drug and she won't pass the bill to have them checked. But I also told Timmie that when he next comes to Sydney, we will hopefully have a new Premier and more than likely a new Prime Minister as well - Oh Happy Day! Here's a picture of us enjoying a few sips of wine the night before he left. I had a mighty hangover the next day!