Melbourne
We recently flew to Melbourne for an action packed three days. MUM and DAD went to Unkee Gaz's 60th birthday party and then they spent the next few days dragging me around to various exhibitions. It was worse than being in Europe. Here is a picture of me with Napoleon Bonaparte at the National Gallery of Victoria. Did you know that the French discovered Australia before Captain Cook? We could be saying "bonjour" instead of "g'day". Napoleon pinched kangaroos to put in his garden in France. How weird is that? I wonder if they learnt to speak French?
Then we caught a train to Bendigo to go to another gallery to see Grace Kelly's frocks. As you can see in this picture, she was a beautiful movie star who married a prince. I was really sad when I left the gallery as I kept thinking how different life would have been if I had been her bear. I would have sailed around Monaco in a big boat and lived in a palace. I could have tried on all her fabulous frocks and well, MUM said be careful what you wish for....
Imagine my surprise when we left our hotel and saw a boutique over the road called TED Baker. They had this big sign up in the window. I got really upset as MUM told me that it was happening back in the cupboard at home and the family were up for auction. As you can see in this picture, I am looking a bit worried and a little fuzzy from all my tears... MUM can be so cruel sometimes.
Imagine my surprise when we left our hotel and saw a boutique over the road called TED Baker. They had this big sign up in the window. I got really upset as MUM told me that it was happening back in the cupboard at home and the family were up for auction. As you can see in this picture, I am looking a bit worried and a little fuzzy from all my tears... MUM can be so cruel sometimes.
On our most recent trip to Melbourne, MUM and DAD decided to use their seniors' cards to travel by train. It turned out to be the BIGGEST mistake. Here is a picture of me not looking very happy waiting to board the carriage. The train was two hours late arriving in Melbourne and four hours late on the return trip to Sydney. The reason given was that the tracks were swollen from the heat! The man in the buffet car was very nice and offered us free tea and coffee, but I got into trouble 'cause I told him that his scones were so hard you could use them as missiles. I got a clip over the ears for that comment. And, it wasn't from MUM.
I did spend most of my time reading and finished this great book on the Rolling Stones. I am very excited 'cause I am going to see them when they perform in Sydney. MUM ordered this book off the Internet from the guy who used to hang out with the band for years. I wish I knew someone famous. Maybe if I get lots of people reading my website I may become famous and you will all want to hang out with me!
Melbourne is very groovy. All the laneways are full of graffiti and everyone takes photos and goes to bars and restaurants. I sat on this shelf for my photo opportunity and lots of tourists came running up and took photos of me. I tried to charge them a dollar, but got a clip around the ears from you know who.
I desperately tried to get MUM to stand under this sign but she made me do to it.
We went to the James Bond exhibition at the Melbourne Museum. It was great. I watched all the movie clips and sneaked in to Bond's car and tried to start up the engine. I got another clip around the ears, this time from the grumpy museum guard. He told me I was a pest, but forgave me when I said that MUM was wearing a FAT suit and that she really looks like Ursula Andress in Dr. No. I had seen this banner outside the museum.
We had the BEST afternoon at the KING KONG musical. KK was so cute especially when he looked sad. I wanted to cuddle him and take him home and stuff him in the cupboard with the rest of the gang. MUM kept telling me that he wasn't real. She can be such a spoilsport at times. I think she was just jealous 'cause she has pointy incisors, but doesn't have a theatrical career like a gorilla. She just looks like one. Ouch!
Oh well, next time we go to Melbourne, we are going to look for one of these rhinos to transport us around on his skateboard. There are posters stuck up at all the tram stops. I can't wait!
As it turns out, DAD managed to get me one of these posters when he 'accidentally' slipped on the tram and nicked it off the handrail, so now we have our very own rhino in the cupboard. How cool is that?
We caught the train to Bendigo (again) to visit the Art Gallery. I saw this smashing graffiti on a wall in the main street. It made me laugh 'cause Bendigo is nothing like Rome, London or Paris, but I can't comment about New York 'cause I have never been there. MUM and DAD have and they said I would love it as it is one BIG Apple and I could stick honey all over it and gobble it up. Can't wait!
We went to visit the Marilyn Monroe exhibition. She was such a pretty lady, not like my MUM - ouch! She was very famous and wore lovely frocks (not like my MUM - ouch again!) and all her friends were diamonds. How super cool is that!
There was a huge statue of Marilyn in the local park. She must have been feeling the heat as she had flipped up her skirt and was airing her bottom, not unlike the boys on the ferry when we were sailing down the Amazon.
When we were back in Melbourne, MUM thought she had died and gone to heaven when she saw this cake shop. I reminded her that she would not look as good as Ms Monroe next time her skirt blows up if she decided to try them all at once. Needless to say I had my paws crossed behind my back as I didn't want her to know I was just telling fibs. No need to explain that one.
We went to visit the Andy Warhol exhibition. He is one of MUM's favourite artists. It was pretty amazing and there were lots of people there. MUM said that he was shot by a mad woman and never really got over it. He died a few years ago now, but lots of people still remember him, especially when they buy cans of baked beans.
We went to visit the Andy Warhol exhibition. He is one of MUM's favourite artists. It was pretty amazing and there were lots of people there. MUM said that he was shot by a mad woman and never really got over it. He died a few years ago now, but lots of people still remember him, especially when they buy cans of baked beans.
Andy Warhol shared his exhibition space with a Chinese artist called Ai Weiwei. I got lost in amongst Weiwei's balloons. I kept calling out, " Aye why, why, help me!" But I guess the guards didn't understand what was going on. If you look closely you can see me hanging on as the balloons floated around all over the place.
I convinced MUM that this was one of Andy Warhol's rarest works. She was amazed as she had never seen it before. Little does she know that it was the entrance to the fire hose cupboard!
When we finished looking at Ai Weiwei and Warhol, we caught the escalator upstairs and visited Whistler's mother. She was just sitting there looking very bored and I decided that my MUM looks better in black than she does. It just goes to show that you should never judge a book by its cover 'cause my MUM may not be famous, but she is lots more fun.
Here I am once again on the XPT to Melbourne. It is still the slowest journey. I just kept looking out the window for hours and, as you can see, I didn't spy any kangaroos because they hop along much faster than the train. I was so bored and when we went to the Botanical Gardens, I hung out on the spikiest plant looking for bugs to chat with.
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The BIG PEOPLE dragged me off to the NGV to see the Alexander McQueen exhibition. It was amazing and MUM now paints her lips like his models. She gets more weird looks than usual now. Ouch!